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| "Rejected or rejection? Either way I sleep at night." |
In my frustration (see also: old man jadedness) over the last few years I started to lose sight of the fact that hardcore will always be what it was. No amount of Hot Topics, easy internet accessibility or wayward status-seekers can change that. All of my songs have been about me, me, me. My life sucks, my life sucks, my life suuuuucks. And believe me it does, but so do a lot of other people's lives. So do a lot of people and things, period. I should not take for granted that I have a microphone and no limits on what I can say. Hardcore made me privy to what type of world we live in. My dad used to say that it was an egg/chicken kind of thing. What came first? The anger or the music that fuels the anger? No doubt that the anger and unrest was always there. I can give you 5 examples off the top of my head without thinking from pre-hardcore Drew's life as proof it was already brewing. Hardcore helped me realize what I was angry about and that I'm not alone. Yes, there you have it. Hardcore is just rah-rah music for angsty teens who got beat up in middle school. If that's what you think or if you think the "you're not alone" statement is trite, go ahead and stop reading. One deep until the day that I die but my sanity remains due to knowing I'm not the only person who feels this way. It goes so far beyond any bully or ANY individual experience really. Hell, both my parents were very loving to me if you can believe it. We live in a sick world. We can't go a day without breathing the same air as some arrogant fuck willing to cross anyone for their own personal gain. This is what angers me. The individual bullies I can fight back but the world as a whole? That's the fight that exhausts me.
Now that I sing for a band that actually has songs I'm not only unashamed of but really proud of I can use it as a tool. I am 27 and have seen a lot things and have met a lot of people. I know how this world works. I know what to look for. I know how to survive. I have been weak but I always, always come right the fuck back. 'Every breath I take is a choice that I must make' and I make the right one every time. Hardcore is so saturated and so available now that I can only imagine that the allure that it had for me is hardly present for younguns getting into the game now, but it is still something different, something other than what the rest of the world is offering. You just have to be looking for it.
I like to think I have cultured myself and consider myself aware of what is going on around me. I have most definitely delved into other areas of interest and surrounded myself with people of all walks of life. I have had a couple desk jobs in my day. Lord knows I listen to rap more than anything right now. All of that does nothing to change the fact that I will always be a hardcore kid. Those values, those morals, those ideas, that anger stills remains in me and still shapes who I am. I may have taken a step back but I will forever do my part to keep this alive. "To be less like you I'll be any punchline, no face I'll lose."
To sum it all up, Cutting Losses is the most important thing in my life right now. It is the culmination of everything I have experienced. It is my chance to turn this fucking negativity I fight with every day into something of some value, something I can proudly put my name on. If there is one thing you can do for me as a friend or just as somebody interested enough to read this blog, you can listen to my band.
You can read the one and only Cutting Losses interview conducted by Michael Hawkins here: http://niteonearth.blogspot.com/2010/03/cutting-losses.html
Check out our blog at: http://cuttinglosses.wordpress.com/
